Lauren’s List of Awkward Hugs

Who knew hugs could be so complicated?  I love hugs, and even the awkward ones are well worth it in my opinion. Here is my list of awkward hugs.

1)    The Earring-Poke Hug. Caryn sharing about this hug the other day is what inspired this entire post. You are wearing stud earrings, and upon hugging, your ear is pressed back toward your neck, and all of a sudden you are in danger of rupturing your artery. Sometimes love is dangerous.

2)    The Taller-Person-Beneath Hug. You don’t really think about the structure of a hug until something like this happens. Either the taller person dives for underneath, or the shorter person reaches over. It is now inevitable- taller person must crouch down, and shorter person must stand on tip-toes. The greater the difference in height, the greater the flexibility required.

3)    The Diagonal Hug. Your shoulders are exactly the same height, and it’s a toss up whether to go low or high. You both decide you will just have to make a move, and you both reach up at the same time. Then you quickly try to correct yourself and both reach down at the same time. Then you compromise and hug diagonally, with one arm above and one arm beneath. Usually accompanied by an awkward chuckle.

4)    The Choker Hug. Rather than squeezing your shoulders, the taller person has wrapped their arms around your neck. You hold your breath and pretend like nothing’s wrong, but really you are being choked.

5)    The Almost-Kissed Hug. The second dynamic of Hug Structure has to do with head placement. Upon embracing, participants must shift heads in opposite directions in order for heads to rest comfortably next to each other. The problem comes when you both move your heads in the same direction and find yourselves face to face. You move your heads quickly and pretend not to notice that you just almost kissed.

6)    The Cheek-To-Cheek Hug. This is a cover up for the Almost-Kissed Hug. If you dive into a hug with a little too much gusto and find yourself in the Almost-Kissed Hug position, your only avoidance is a quick cheek turn. And then you have yourself a one-of-a-kind, cheek-to-cheek moment. How sweet.

7)    The Tackle Hug. You haven’t seen each other in a while, and you have been anticipating this embrace. Unfortunately, perhaps your feelings are not mutual, because you just entered that hug with way more force than the opposite person. And now you are tumbling to the ground together, affections more than satisfied.

8)    The Child-With-Papa Hug. This usually happens with tall guys. You can’t figure out how to get your head over their shoulder, so you end up resting your head on their chest. You feel like a tiny child resting against Papa for one moment. But at the next moment you are that embarrassed child who hugged the wrong dad. Best way to avoid this is to lean sideways on one foot, and move your head around the side of his arm.

9)     The Whoops-You-Intended-a-Side-Hug Hug. This guy turned out to be a little more conservative than you perceived. And now you are that loose girl clinging with both arms to a one-armed embrace.

10)  The I-Can’t-Believe-You-Just-Picked-Me-Up Hug. It only happened to me once- in India. “Sister… I am going to pick you up now.” What? I strained to hear him right. But before I could get my thoughts together, he had lifted me high in the air, from my knees. You want to protest at first. But there is nothing you can do. So you just look around and enjoy your aerial viewpoint.

11)  The What-Is-Grabbing-Me Hug. This hug occurs when there is a tension of affection and laziness. Your good friend is leaving, but you are too lazy to get up off the floor. So you surprise her by embracing her legs.

12)  The Never-Satisfied Hug. You haven’t seen each other in ages, and there is no amount of hugging that will make up for the distance. So you throw a leg in there.

13) The Hair-In-Armpit Hug. I have never experienced this since I have short hair, but I learned about it from a long-haired friend. Apparently, sometimes your hair can get stuck in the other person’s armpit. What a disaster.

14)  The No-Response Hug. You thought you were hugging a person, but now you realize you just hugged a manikin. You hold the hug for a moment, thinking maybe the response is just delayed, but a lifeless shoulder pat communicates, it is time to let go.