Is Family Worth It?

I live with three other roommates in a tiny house. There are two bedrooms, one bathroom, a living room, and a kitchen. We converted one of the rooms into a prayer room, so the four of us live together in one room. Our bedroom consists of four beds taking up most of the space, two small closets, and one dresser. So in order to fit all of our clothes in there, we have to coordinate. All of the jeans go in one place, all of the shirts one place, all of the dresses, etc. The lines that define who owns what have blurred away, and we all share the same combined wardrobe.

We also share all of our food. We compromise with the types of foods we like or want to buy so that we can all be satisfied. Whoever wakes up first makes coffee for everyone in the house. And if someone decides to cook, the offer extends to all.

This sounds kind of like a co-op or an intentional living system, now that I write it out. But we never planned on it happening this way. It just happened when we moved in together. You see, we don’t have an agenda or an efficiency-system or anything like that. We are simply committed to one another like family and we love each other very much. So as we live together and love each other, our lives begin to converge, and we begin to have everything in common. We no longer claim anything as our own because we realize that everything in the Kingdom of God is free and in abundant supply. We freely give and share everything because we know we have a Father who provides way more than enough.

It is really beautiful and I am definitely one of the luckiest people ever.

But it is also really hard.

I know there are people all over the place getting inspiration to live in genuine community and family-like devotion. But it is very rare to see it actually happen or last. There’s a reason for that. It’s very difficult to live all up in each other’s lives, where there’s nowhere to hide your problems. You have to face your relational fears and wounds because there is nowhere to escape. But anyone who sticks it out will realize that it’s worth it in the end. It is extremely worth it.

You see, family (and by this word, I mean a group of people who live in unbreakable commitment to know one another and love one another) is the deepest value of God’s heart. God is a family within himself. He is Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. In John 14-17, we get a look inside the incredible family relationship of the three persons of God. Jesus can’t stop talking about how great his Father is. At the same time, he keeps mentioning how much his Father loves and honors him in return. Then he starts raving about Holy Spirit, and how everyone is going to love having him, even more than they loved having Jesus on the earth. And of course he mentions that Holy Spirit will be all about honoring Jesus. The three of them love and honor one another constantly. They are one, and we know that this oneness is the unity of one being. But it is also the unity of three who are operating within one, pure, selfless love.

God created humans in his own image. He created us to be dependent creatures who need relationship just like we need water and oxygen. We are not fully alive until we are alive together. The good news is that God himself fully satisfies every need and desire we will ever have for relationship and love, and he provides this relationship through Jesus. He is already more than enough. But he doesn’t only give us himself. He gives us one another. Anyone who ventures into the journey of loving one another in the same way that God loves us, will find himself or herself in the most beautiful, transformative work-out of a lifetime.

Jesus’ purpose for us is that we will learn to love God and love one another. But Jesus is not the only one at work here. Satan is working very hard too, although he is going to fail. God’s greatest dream for our lives- that we love one another- is Satan’s greatest fear. This is why Satan is constantly fighting against the value of family. He will do anything and everything to break up families, both physical and spiritual families. So if you enter into a lifestyle of family with others, you should expect a bit of spiritual warfare. But no need to fear. God has a great purpose in this. He will use the tensions, the conflicts, the hurts, the self-realizations, to refine our hearts into the gold of pure love. It is truly a beautiful journey.

A couple years ago I would have secretly shrugged at the idea of living in family community. It didn’t seem like that big of a deal to me. I was doing just fine living independently. I was growing in my relationship with God. I was seeing him move in amazing ways. But at the end of the day, all I had was a ministry. I had learned how to accomplish, but I hadn’t learned how to love.

At the end of your life, when you stand before God, and he asks, “Did you learn love?” what will you say? Will you show him your accomplishments? Or will you show him the times it was hard but you still held on to a friendship; the times you wanted to leave, but you stayed; the times you were hurting, but you forgave; the times you wanted to keep, but you gave; the times you felt ashamed, but you received forgiveness; the times you wanted to hate yourself, but you received love; the times you fell, but you got back up; the times you wanted to be alone, but you stuck it out together; the times you wanted to hide everything, but you confessed. It’s always easier not to feel. You could harden your heart and live a life less painful, but you would never truly live. Are you willing to feel? To laugh, to cry, to dance, to hug? Because if you have the love of Christ working inside of you, it will always prevail. It will always hope. It will always persevere. It will never fail.

I am truly a different person now. It’s hard to describe. All I can say is I feel more. The deep crevices of my heart that began to harden over time were broken through. I feel joy again about the little things. The joy I felt as a small child. I feel excitement again about tomorrow and the next day. I feel the desire to be with people. And I never felt that way in my life. I feel love for people. People have become sacred and beautiful to me. I always loved people out of obligation. But now I actually like them, I enjoy them, I cherish them. And when I pray for them, I literally feel the heartbeat of God for them, burning inside of me. The love of God has awakened my heart. It is always worth it.

I want to say thank you to my roommates and to the all of my family, both in Austin and abroad. Thanks for sticking it out with me. Here’s to becoming the Bride of Christ.

 

Advertisement